Say it isn’t so! But just as the Taliban hates it when girls go to school, MAGA utterly despises Girl Scouts of the USA.

Phil Burress, chief of the prudish pee-pee police force “Citizens for Community Values,” screamed Remove Your Girls From Girl Scouts TODAY: “We are disturbed by this decision from Girl Scouts and urge parents to reconsider their daughters’ participation in an organization that fails to acknowledge the basic distinctions between male and female.”

Okay, to be fair, I’ve seen much worse. Perhaps something like this from the same pubic police department “Citizens for Community Values”: “The Girl Scouts’ ‘promise’ no longer mandated an oath to God. Prayer at troop meetings was discouraged. Mandatory leadership training promoted the homosexual lifestyle as normal, denying the consequences for the individual and the family.”

Ah, the old bogeyman, “the homosexual lifestyle.” Methinks he had a nightmare about flying gay penisauri swooping down on him last night.

The listed hate group Family Research Council warned in a Feb. 12, 2012 email: “Girl Scouts Use Cookie Dough for Political Activism … … And while some troop leaders are committed to raising women of integrity, we can’t turn a blind eye to the Girl Scout headquarters, which is bombarding girls with topics like abortion, contraception, and homosexuality.”

We get it. Only far right groups are allowed to use proceeds for political activism and turn youth into future lock-stepping freedom-hating voting blocs. But wait!

According to the July 24, 2001 email edition of CitizenLink, a Focus on the Family production, Bob Knight, director of the pecker and pudenda patrol “Culture and Family Institute,” scaremongered this: “This camp shows that the Girl Scouts are not only not vigilant about protecting girls from lesbianism, they don’t mind if it gets promoted under their aegis and on their property,” Knight said.”

Get your dirty minds out of other people’s crotches before it’s too late. Seriously.

The listed MAGA hate group American Family Association hates the Girl Scouts because GSA allows girls to express “false religions”: “The Girl Scouts seem to revel in their belief that all religious concepts are equal. The actual GSUSA proposal that changed the policy in 1993 made this wonderful statement: ‘Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. respects the personal spiritual beliefs of each of its members. The Girl Scout Movement will be enriched by acknowledging and reaching out to the diversity of beliefs in our nation….’ For believers, however, this is simply not true. A Christian child is never ‘enriched’ by exposure to false religious teaching.”

MAGA Commenter “Cameron Jones” says this in the comments under a newspaper story about a hate group pressuring a Virginia shopping center to shut out the Girl Scouts: “Yeah, blame the revocation of PRIVILEGES on Republican “mega donors”, Not the Leftist Anti-American policies of the GSA ( and BSA for that matter). Support LGBTQIIXA2b4Queeet agendas; anti-parent rights, anti-Child BS, and the complain because people don’t want to support your fundraiser on their property. It IS still America; Right?” I would love to see him shoot his hateful mouth like that with a girl’s father nearby. “Anti-American??” I would love to see some father give this MAGA thug the smash in the jaw that he deserves.

Far right columnist Michael Foust reports that “the Girl Scouts have lost their way” because they include all girls: “The Girl Scouts USA has stirred controversy this year by releasing LGBTQ+ Pride Month patches and stating it allows biological boys who identify as girls into its organization. The Girls Scouts website includes a list of LGBTQ+ Pride Month activities. This week, a local Girl Scouts chapter form circulating on social media asked campers to list their preferred pronouns. Garibay left the Girl Scouts in the 1990s when it voted to make the word “God” optional in its oath, she told Fox News Digital.”

Another far right extremist fulminates, “The Girl Scouts partner locally, nationally and internationally with Planned Parenthood, the largest abortionist in the world. They should stop this and the only way to stop them is by hitting them in the pocketbook.” God forbid the Girl Scouts partner with an association whose mission is central to girls as they approach adulthood!

“Families Boycott Thin Mints Over Girl Scouts’ Ties With Planned Parenthood” Here we go again. God forbid the Girl Scouts partner with an association whose mission is central and important to girls as they approach adulthood.

Indiana MAGA Republican Bob Morris calls the Girl Scouts “sexualized” and “radical”: “Abundant evidence proves that the agenda of Planned Parenthood includes sexualizing young girls through the Girl Scouts, which is quickly becoming a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood.” Once again, man: get your filthy, sex-obsessed mind out of young girls’ pudenda.

This backward headline says it all: “Girl Scouts: An Un-Christian Sex Ed Agenda.” ONE MORE TIME: get your filthy, sex-obsessed mind out of young girls’ pudenda.

The MAGA hate group Tyranny Council proclaims, “Girl Scouts USA (GSUSA) has become a politically divisive, pro-abortion organization that has abandoned its mission years ago. GSUSA is the largest member organization of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (WAGGGS), which aggressively promotes abortion and promiscuous sex on behalf of its 10 million members.” ONE MORE TIME, perverts: get your filthy, sex-obsessed mind out of young girls’ pudenda.

The MAGA hate group Tyranny Council further proclaims, “Girl Scouts Pushes LGBT Agenda on Members With Special Patch.” It’s too hard for me to select just one quote; the entire piece is twisted hate from beginning to end.

MAGA offers a competing organization for girls: the American Heritage Girls. Go for it. I have nothing against American Heritage Girls. I think that parents should have options that fit their beliefs. That is, after all, the beauty of the very thing that MAGA hates with a passion: diversity.

That is diversity. Live it. American Heritage Girls, I wish you well, as I wish the Girl Scouts well.